This DID NOT happen to me. A friend sent me this and I had to share. A little Boob humor never hurt a soul..........
While conducting some business at the Courthouse, I overheard a lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say, "Your Honor, I'm guilty but.....there were extenuating circumstances."
The female Judge said, sarcastically, "I'd certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances."
I did too, soooo…… I listened as the lady told her story.
I did too, soooo…… I listened as the lady told her story.
"Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear as she tilted her head from one side to the other and crooned, "Hi! I'm Kimmy! All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?"
I'm thinking, "Kimmy, try decaf. This ain't rocket science." She then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.
With the right side finished, Kimmy flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?" Fine, I answered.
I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt a zap!
Complete darkness, the power was off!
Kimmy said, "Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag." Then she headed for the door.
"Please Please Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise grip alone are you?" I pleaded.
Kimmy kept right on going and said, "Oh, don't you worry...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back."
Before I could shout NOOOO! She disappeared. And that's exactly when I met "Larry the maintenance man" ...............I was standing there half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between the glass!
After exchanging a polite Hi, how's it going type greeting, Larry asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.
Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible,
"Yes, I do, but thanks anyway."
"OK, you take care now" Larry replied and waved good-bye as though we were old friends, chatting in the line at the grocery store.
Two hours later, Kimmy breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her perkiness, she said , "Oh, I am soooo sorry!
The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! I went to lunch. I hope you are not upset?!!"
And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between those clamps...."
The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said "Case Dismissed".